I am not dead, are you? (SherlockXMoriarty PostRBF)

Sherlock's eyes closed in bliss as Jim touched his hair and called him honey, it was one of those things that always relaxed him somehow.
"Mm," he mumbled simply, letting his thoughts run wild in his head, while his body relaxed.

"Not just company... love, John deserves to be loved more than I do..." he commented, and looked at Jim. "Time, yes, you are right... I am hardly a patient person..."

Jim had to swallow deep for a moment. The idea that this, after all, was all his fault still lingering in the back of his mind. "Don't say that, Sherlock. You both deserve love." He could barely believe his own words. A few years ago, he didn't even care about other people's feelings. But right now he did, even John mattered to him. He was a part of him.

By now the taxi arrived at their flat and Jim, as usual, payed the man.

A few more weeks passed by. Sherlock hadn't really seen John and for some reason John decided to break contact for a while. Jim understood it took time and Mycroft was there with new updates over John's health whenever Sherlock asked.

Jim on the other hand had been busy as well. He had plans, big plans coming up. He wanted to seal his love for Sherlock. Seal it, forever, make it bounding. He wanted to marry Sherlock. And so his search for the perfect ring had began. He wasn't an easy client, but only the best was good enough for his hopefully soon to be husband. Not long after, he had a custom made ring in his left pocket, carefully wrapped in a little dark blue box. All he needed to do now was ask Sherlock... Something that seemed to sound more simple than it actually was.

It had been a rainy day in London, of course, it always seems to be gloomy and rainy these days. Jim began to wonder what is was like to have a decent summer-sun. But those ordinary thoughts aside, he decided tonight would be the night. He had been procrastinating for days now, nerves forming a knot inside his stomach. How was he even going to bring this up? He decided to start with dinner, good dinner, romantic dinner? Sherlock would see through... Just dinner. But a bit more special. He ordered it and it got delivered when Sherlock was out to get something. Jim only had half an hour to put things together, so he rushed around to place, dimming the light and setting the plates. He even dressed up. Shit, this did looked romantic. Ah well.

Nervously he waited for Sherlock to return home. Which could be any minute now.

That summer wasn't Sherlock's best period.
He had found love, certainly, which was something he never even dreamed of, but he also lost his best friend, which left him with a hole in his heart.

He wanted to trust John to come back to him eventually, but each day that passed with no contact, seemed to bring a speck of despair regarding that matter.

Jim was all he had now, and his life at home was so blissful, sometimes he really didn't want to go to work, he didn't want a new case, because that would keep him away from Jim and also remind me of how much he had hurt John.

He didn't think he could ask for more, and when he came back that night to see the apartment tidied up and romantic with dimmed light, he couldn't help the surprise on his face.

"Jim?" he asked, blinking and feeling his heart beat faster in his chest.
"You look stunning," he exclaimed, his mind reeling to search for a reason for this, had he missed an anniversary or something?

Jim's heart was already racing in his chest even though he knew he had to control it if he didn't want to give away anything to Sherlock just yet. He greeted his lover with a warm polite smile, leaning awkwardly onto the table.

"hello, dear." he said soft, Moving towards Sherlock to kiss him hello. He blushed at the compliment, lips still curled up in the same smile. "so do you. Even though I prefer those clothes onto the floor." Jim joked, lightening the mood to himself. "I made..ordered.. Dinner." his hand suggested to the huge amount of food spread over their table.

He knew Sherlock would be suspicious but he couldn't just drop to his knee could he? He had tried to gather some information over te Internet, finding he had to set the right mood, spoil his partner before asking such a life changing question. He didn't even knew whether Sherlock would even care about these things. He couldn't subtle ask or try and get his opinion on this, Sherlock would have immediately know what Jim's intentions were.

Sherlock's eyes moved quickly on the other's frame, picking up clues and noticing all kinds of little things, the conclusion he came to seemed preposterous though, so he just smiled nervously, still trying to think whether there was any kind of celebration he had missed.
Jim didn't seem angry though, he was... strange. Why would he be nervous about dinner?

He looked at himself and lifted his eyebrow. "Hardly," he replied to the compliment, and grinned. "I can undress if you want, might be a bit uncomfortable for dinner," he commented, leaning on the table to take in the wonderful smell.
"My favorite, Jim, you are spoiling me today..."

So typical Sherlock of not getting the joke of Jim's words. He rolled his eyes a little, he was used to it by now anyway. "Keep it for later." He grinned, playfully winking at Sherlock. He knew for sure he had to change his behaviour in order to come across normal. To not spark suspicions. Not working in the criminal industry and therefor not having as much disguises anymore, was certainly taking its toll.

"I know it's your favourite." Jim said softly, his hand resting on Sherlock's back. "Shall we? Or are you on one of those not-allowed-to-eat-for-days-cases again?" Jim moved to the other side of the table and sat down. Sherlock better not be on one of those, it would be a waste.

"So. How was work?" He asked, starting to fill his plate with vegetables and a piece of Salmon. He had to find something to break the ice, to bring the subject up. But that didn't seemed as easy as it sound.

Sherlock sat down, feeling a bit out of sync. He wanted to relax and enjoy the meal, but he had the feeling he was missing something. The suit, the elegant meal, the dim light, this was purposeful, clearly, but he could not imagine why.

"No, just finished my last case actually," he commented, resting his hands on the table, playing with the cloth. "Getting some food in my stomach would be quite nice..."

"Are we celebrating something, Jim?" he asked eventually, blinking curiously, not able to keep it in any longer. He was a curious man after all.

Jim smiled, he wanted to ask what case he on. It felt like the only connection he still had with the criminal world, with his past life. But before he had the chance, Sherlock was already asking him something different.

His heart clenched in his chest. Now he had two options. The first one was just comig up with an excuse good enough so Sherlock would take it a little longer. Or e could just get things over with. And that lat one seemed to be the best way out.

His throat went dry, heart beating in it. He felt naussious, just from being nerves. "We're not celebrating something." and silence for a while. "Yet."

Jim's eyes couldn't stay focused on one point, but he kept them on Sherlock's face. And then he stood up an walked to the other side o the table. Breath increased, shaking slightly, scared Sherlock would laugh at his attempt and brush it off as a waste of time or ridiculous.

"Sherlock." Jim took Sherlock's hand and locked it between both of his own. "I know this is not really your area but." his voice almost gone husky with nerves and he had to clear it before he could go on.

"You saved my life in so many ways. I couldn't wish for anything more then this, everything we have is everything I ever wanted." then he took a steady breath and dropped onto one knee. His hand suddenly holding a dark box with a shiny silver ring.

"Sherlock, will you marry me? Please?" and he held his breath.

Yet?
Sherlock looked at him curiously, noticing how he seemed to change, to become more determined, but increasingly more nervous as well.
He wanted to ask what was happening, he was also quite scared, especially when Jim stood up and moved closer, his first instinct was to duck.
When Mycroft became this solemn, it usually meant nothing good.

The unexpected happened though, what he had rightfully discarded as a possibility a few minutes before.
Indeed Jim took his hands, making Sherlock's heart fly in his throat, and finally dropped on one knee.

For a moment Sherlock was shocked, he couldn't believe it was happening, he couldn't believe he was in this situation, and then it hit him.
It was a promise.
Jim wanted him to be his, he wanted it to be official and he wanted it to be until the end of their lives.

"Are you sure?" he couldn't help but ask, his eyes moving on the ring, it was beautiful, the most perfect jewel he had ever seen.
Jim couldn't possibly want this, no one could possibly want to be with him indefinitely!

He was on his knee though, he had followed the tradition quite to the letter, Sherlock was touched.
Nervous chills started running up his spine and there was a twitchy smile on his lips.
"Yes," he breathed out eventually, his head feeling light and spinning. "Yes, I will."

Jim held his breath, he was shaking, his stomach felt sick. Sherlock's face seemed surprise, it didn't gave away a yes, or a no, it gave nothing. He wanted to run away, to hide and never go back.

Yes of course I am sure you twat. Jim wanted to scream, but all he did was lightly shaking his head. Just say yes.

And than he heard the one word he wanted to hear. Yes, Sherlock said yes and Jim made a weird sound of relief. He smiled, panting a little from excitement. "Yes?" He repeated stupidly, unable to wipe that smile off his face. He took the ring, held it out and easily but still with shaking hands slid it onto Sherlock's finger.

Then he stood up, for a moment he thought he would cry, but he didn't. He felt happiness, complete and utterly happy. He had never felt this way before. "I love you, Sherlock." He smiled, cupping the man's cheeks and pulling into a kiss.

Sherlock looked in shock as Jim slid the ring on his finger and he hardly knew what was happening when he was pulled to his feet for a kiss. It felt like his thoughts had suddenly slowed down, he needed time to let this settle in, that was sure.

"I never thought..." he mumbled, looking at Jim with glazed eyes once they parted. "I never thought I would marry," he admitted, his hand moving up, caressing along Jim's cheek, just feeling the skin under his fingers.

"I love you too, Jim," he whispered with a soft secret smile.

Jim's eyes sparkled with happiness. If he had to look in the mirror right now, he wouldn't even recognize himself. But it all didn't matter really.

He leaned in against Sherlock's hand, loving the tenderness in which it touched him. "Sherlock honey, look at me." He smiled wide. "If there's one person who never thought to be married, it's me." He joked, but he got Sherlock's point.

Jim wasn't sure on what to do now. Celebrate? Yes, of course, they had all this food. But beside that. They had to tell people about this? Could they even do that? John wouldn't agree. And Mycroft would huff a little, Jim knew. But he didn't care. He wanted this and Sherlock wanted this as well. The world could come down on him right now and he wouldn't give a damn.

Sherlock couldn't help but chuckle at Jim's words: "And married to me, of all people," he exclaimed, too happy to be able to see their past in the right light, now it was all gone, now it was just them, together, forever.

"I am so.. so naive, I wasn't able to read you, but Jesus, how was I supposed to think you would propose, it's crazy, you know that right?" He exclaimed, shaking his head as he still caressed his cheek, leaning down to leave small kisses here and there.

"When... when were you planning to...? Well.. You know," he muttered, suddenly embarrased.

"Yes, you..." Jim smiled. " I think you're the only one who's able to put up with me." He shrugged a little. Jim had felt happy before, but nothing compared to the warm feeling that filled him up right now. Warmth floating through his veins, settling inside of his stomach and heart.

"Well I could only hope you wouldn't be able to deduce it. It did make it kind of obvious." He had tried not to, but he had no other idea on how to do this. He even had spent an hour on the internet looking up the most efficient ways to propose. But he wasn't going to tell Sherlock, of course.

"Planning to what? To actually get married?" Jim asked, not sure what Sherlock meant. "As soon as possible!" He exclaimed.

"I automatically discarded the option," he admitted with a soft laugh, "I... I guess I just didn't think our relationship would go that way... you never talked about marriage, nor long term commitment," he said with a shrug. "Not that I thought our relationship was temporary, I just took for granted that living together was enough for you..." he muttered, blushing softly.

"As soon as possible?" He repeated, burying his face in Jim's shoulder, it all seemed so surreal, he couldn't believe it was happening. "I don't even know how these things work, do I have to buy a new suit?"

"I wanted to show the world I'm willing to spent the rest of my living days with you." Jim smiled. "Hell, I would have hacked my way into the Olympics opening ceremony and proposed to you in front of the watching world." He exclaimed. "But as we still need to live undercover, that's not possible." A weak smile stretched his lips.

He couldn't help but burst into a short laugh when Sherlock asked him about the costume. "Yes, yes dear you'll need a new costume. And new shoes and perhaps even socks." He kissed the palm of Sherlock's hand that still caressed his cheeks. "Armani would look fit on you." Jim could already see it; Sherlock wearing the most beautiful suit, while he puts a ring around that long pale finger. God, he wanted to do this already.

Sherlock couldn't help but laugh at Jim's idea about the Olympics, "I am very glad you didn't, that would have been quite embarrassing, not to mention quite inconvenient, considering we would have been announcing our comeback from death at the same time," he muttered, and blushed as Jim explained he was supposed to buy new clothes.

"Will you choose it for me?" he asked, smirking a bit at the idea. "Armani? Might be a bit expensive," he commented, he had never been very careful of money, he had always had Mycroft to back him up and John managing his finances when he was living in Baker street, but when he had found himself having to travel from country to country in the three years he had spent alone, he had learned that it wasn't as easy as he had always thought.

"I am not sure what a gay marriage implies, Jim, will there be a party? I am not sure many people would come... all considering..."

"But you'll have to admit it would be at least more original than dropping to one knee while having dinner." Jim laughed, the idea alone was quite amusing. Of course he wouldn't have done so, Mycroft would have killed him.

"Oh you know money isn't a problem, dear." Jim kissed Sherlock's cheek. "I'll pay but I can't choose it for you. I'm "not allowed" to see it until we actually are getting married." He explained. "But I trust your sense if fashion enough to show up and look dashing."

Jim had to think about Sherlock's next remarks though. It's not like he was to call an expert on gay marriage. "Gay marriage is not much different I believe. We can do as we please. If you want a party we could do one. I'm sure Mycroft, Lestrade and Molly will come.. And well.. John?" He said the last bit very carefully, knowing he was hitting a sensitive string there.

"Who cares about original, the content is what matters," he muttered with a grin, rather amused by Jim's need to impress. Of course he knew his boyfriend was a megalomaniac, but he was rather glad in this case he had decided to go for the traditional way.

"Ah, are you serious? You can't see it? Why not?" he exclaimed, the custom sounding rather ridiculous. It didn't make any sense, what if he chose something Jim hated and he would refuse to marry him? He reckoned it was unlikely, but still.

He wanted to protest about the fact Jim would pay for it, but the mention of John's name made him grimace slightly.
"I doubt it, considering he still isn't talking to me... I don't imagine he'll be happy to know we are getting married," he muttered, trying to ignore the pain in his chest at the idea of hurting John again with this.

Jim grinned at Sherlock's nervous reacting about clothes. "Oh honey, don't be so anxious. I'm sure you'll look wonderful, whatever you chose." He reassured Sherlock, patting his back a little. "It's bad luck if I see you up front. Not to mention you'll miss the look of surprise on my face as I see what a stunning man I'll marry that day." Jim kissed Sherlock's lips softly.

He knew exactly how much his words had struck Sherlock's heart, but there was no way he could have avoid the subject. They needed to talk about it and it seemed to be better to get things over with.

"We can't hide it from him, Sherlock." Jim said. "We shouldn't, it wouldn't be fair." But who was he to say such a thing when it was him who caused this after all? "Perhaps you need to be the one to contact him first. Visit him, without me. He's different around you." Jim suggested. "I'm sure he wants the same for you as you want for him, happiness." Jim's hand stroked through Sherlock's dark curls, trying to ease him a little.

Sherlock wasn't confident enough to believe Jim's words, but he trusted him enough not to panic over such an irrational fear.
"You are the only one who thinks I am beautiful," he commented with a pout, leaning a bit towards him, instinctively craving for more of his touch.

The rest of the words managed to make him broody, he had been waiting for John to call or text, but it hadn't happened, the idea of being the one going there was scary to say the least.
"I'm not sure, maybe it's a bit too early to go back," he muttered, looking at Jim pleadingly.

"I don't know about that, Jim, I think he might not care any more, he cut me out of his life after all..." he muttered, even though his heart clenched painfully in his chest as he admitted his thoughts.

"I rather like the fact I'm the only one who thinks your beautiful." Jim Joked. "You know I don't deal with competition that well." He shrugged, allowing Sherlock more of the friction he was giving his fiance.

Jim sighed, shaking his head. "It's been a while, Sherlock. I don't think it's too early." He protested. They had already waited so long to tell John things last time, so perhaps it was better to just get it over with.

"Come on, Sherlock. You don't really believe he would cut you out like this? Do you?" Jim raised his eyebrow. That would never happen. John might be upset, but he wouldn't cut Sherlock out. "This is something you need to do. Put your own pride aside and visit him. Talk to him."

"Mm, I have a feeling you would easily kill anyone who looks at me twice," he commented, and for some reason found himself grinning at the idea. "Maybe that's why no one finds me beautiful, you've eliminated all of them already?" he joked, kissing his hand before he pulled away a bit.

He was pouting during Jim's lecture, he knew he was right, but he also knew it was not going to be easy. "Now, you are the one telling me what to do?" he commented, surprised that Jim seemed to care that much about what John thought. "I don't know, I just seem to always end up hurting him, maybe he's just gotten over this and I go and give him another piece of news that he's not going to like... it's cruel," he commented, sighing.

"I might have eliminated some." Jim tried to sound innocent, though Sherlock perhaps knew better than that. Jim, still, was far from an innocent man.

Jim felt a little offended by Sherlock's words. "Yes, Sherlock. I am telling you what to do." He said a little sharper than he'd meant to. "Since when are you scared to be direct and confront people with things? Really, honey, it's the least you can do. You have to deal with this, whether you like it or not." Jim meant it. He just wanted to get this part over with so Sherlock could completely concentrate on their wedding afterwards in stead of wondering forever on how John would react.

"Please, just go over there." Jim asked, calmly this time.

Sherlock pouted as Jim became firmer in his request. He knew he was right, of course there was no point in waiting around, it would only make it harder on everyone involved.
"Fine, okay, I'll go first thing tomorrow, is that okay?" he asked, moving closer, wrapping his arms around Jim's waist and hiding his face in his neck.

"Can we not think about it for tonight? I think celebrations are in order for this kind of event," he commented, looking at the table and then at Jim. "And I know a certain kind of activity that makes me forget everything but you..."