All the wrong choices brought me here anyway (Sherlock HolmessxJohn Watson MD)

John was soon to follow, his body sated and his mind lulled into a sense of security by the warm presence of his friend against his back. Sherlock's scent making him feel at home, his warmth making him feel loved, he knew that it was more than he deserved and he savored it for a few minutes before he fell asleep.

No nightmares for him that night.
It was just a peaceful, dreamless, blissful slumber.

Sherlock woke up the next morning. His mind was active before his eyes had managed to open. Slowly he became aware of every sense. He smelled John, he felt John, he remembered everything they had done last night.

A painful feeling settled down in Sherlock's chest. He had made John cheat on his wife. He couldn't possibly think of the many dramas he could cause John. He swallowed loud, removed himself from the grip of John's arms and jumped out of his bed. He felt dirty for what he'd done.

Sherlock ran over to the bathroom and went straight for the shower, trying to wash away the sins of last night.

John woke up to the sound of the shower, his first thought was that this was not Mary's apartment, this was home.
He was naked in Sherlock's bed, he realized then, and when he reached out his hand, he felt the empty space beside him and sighed.

So it had happened for real.
John could still feel his body sated by the orgasm of the night before, he felt oddly at peace after the night of deep sleep. Sherlock had clearly worked magic on him.

Which brought him back to the most important problem. What did Sherlock feel for him?
Sherlock had said he had wanted John so much. He had kissed him and made love to him as if John was someone special, more special than he had ever felt.
Was that love?

He sprawled himself on the bed, taking up all the space, stark naked, but unashamed, just waiting for Sherlock to be done with his shower.

The hot water managed to relax him a bit more. Sherlock started to think about the situation more rational then he had before. He had made John cheat, and for a moment a wave of empathy towards Mary kicked in. Sherlock just wanted John to be happy and he could imagine that having sex was only short term thinking.

He needed to clear things out. As soon as John was awake he was going to confront him with his own feelings. Because that's what he had, right? Feelings? Sherlock wasn't exactly sure how he was supposed to feel.

His towel wrapped around his abdomen as he got out of the shower. Assuming John was still asleep he walked back to his bedroom to get clean clothes. As he walked in his eyes widened at the sigh of his best friend sprawled out naked on his bed. A strange kind of warmth washed over his body.
"uhmm. Uhem." He cleared his throat. Oh for god's sake, Sherlock, keep it together!

"Morning." His low voice purred.

John had been deep in thought when Sherlock came back, his eyes moving to meet the frame of his friend only when he heard him talk.
A long shiver ran up his spine at the other's voice and his heart throbbed. Oh man, this was going pretty badly, he thought briefly, knowing that his body now wanted Sherlock again, and he had just greeted him, nothing else, it was ridiculous.

John smiled at him, a bit guiltily, a bit promiscuous and a bit besotted.
"Good morning, Sherlock," he said, and moved his elbows so he could keep his upper body up and he could look at him.

"Er... mm... your bed is quite comfortable," he pointed out, not sure exactly what to say, a bit scared he would ask Sherlock to join him again.

A smile stretched up on Sherlock's lips as he noticed the way John reacted to his appearance. He couldn't help but let his eyes travel over the whole of his body and god, did he like what he was there.

Sherlock walked over to the bed and went sitting down on the edge, his hand on the knot of the towel to keep it in place. A minute ago he had the whole conversation planned out in his head, but it all went blurry at the sight of his naked friend.

"John." He sort of whispered, a bit ashamed of how little it took to get distracted from things. "I eh I about last night.."

John felt himself swallow hard when Sherlock's blue eyes moved on his body, it would take very little effort to reach out and pull him closer, demanding a bit more of what he had tasted for the first time the night before.
He didn't move though, realizing Sherlock wanted to talk.

He wasn't really looking forward to it, but he reckoned it was due.

His mind started screaming nonono, when Sherlock began to talk though, the premises sounded a lot like the detective was about to dump him miserably.

He reacted before he could think, sitting up and talking nervously. "I am sorry if I wasn't that good, I... I have never... it was my first time with a man..." he bit on his lower lip, knowing he couldn't blurt out that he could do better, because to tell the truth, he had no idea whether he could.

"Please, don't tell me you regret it," he added in a whisper, not sure whether he wanted Sherlock to hear him.

"John." "No, John." "Jo-" Sherlock tried to get in between the words his friends was saying but John just kept blurring them out. Sherlock waited until he was finished and slowly turned so he could look into John's eyes.

"No." He whispered back. "No I don't particularly regret it. It ... You.. Were great." He confessed, though it didn't released him from the nudging feeling in his chest.

"But." He started and didn't let much space in between his next words, just in case John would start again. "You're married and I... I.." He cleared his throat. "I don't want you to get into any trouble because of me." There, he said it. A bit ironic, seeing he was the one always causing problems without caring about it.

John looked at him rather aggravated when he said he had been great, he knew it was just the beginning of something else, a but that was going to come and that he was not going to like.

Indeed it came, but it wasn't exactly what he expected.
"Well, mm, that is a bit late for that, isn't it?" he muttered, and motioned to the bed. "We can't undo it..."

He looked at Sherlock, his head going over the last few months, "In retrospect it has always been you, isn't it? I guess Mary has always known... that must be why she is so bloody jealous of you..."

"No. Obviously we can't." Sherlock muttered and guilt started to settle down in his chest area. What had he done? What had he been thinking, just fucking his best friend like that. He sighed, deep. "I'm sorry for any kind of inconvenience this will cause you. I.. I feel guilty for it." He confessed.

"Will you tell her? When you go back to her, will you confess what happened?" He just had to know whether or not John would keep this a secret. If so, he knew in some way he'd feel rejected. But what could he do? He couldn't expect John to leave his wife just because he wanted him to..

John looked at Sherlock surprised at the words, his friend was showing to have a maturity he didn't think he had, and nonetheless, he was clearly worried about John, which touched him deeply.
Even though he was basically talking nonsense.

He reckoned Sherlock didn't know though.
About the divorce.

"Who I have sex with is none of Mary's business any more, Sherlock..." he muttered, and looked at his legs for a moment before he looked up. "Even though I guess I should have waited a bit more..."

"The reason I came here yesterday is that we filed for divorce, and I felt too embarrassed and upset to just stay and sleep on the sofa of her apartment again," he confessed.

Divorce...

The word echoed through Sherlock's brain and his heart started to beat faster.
"That's wonderful!" He blurred out and knew just how inappropriate his words had been. "I ahum.. I mean.. No. I'm sorry." He said nervously.

Sherlock had waited so long for this moment, the moment he'd know for sure John wasn't attached to someone anymore. His cheeks were red as he knew he had let himself go. The relief of the years he had spent alone, thinking about John who was out with his wife while he was left at home.

John frowned at Sherlock's words, they were rather insensitive and inappropriate, but they also made more doubts pop in the doctor's head. "I wouldn't say it's wonderful, Sherlock... it was my only chance at a normal life, and I failed miserably at it," he said before thinking and then sighed.

"You... you wanted that to happen? Sherlock, I don't understand... why do you care about my divorce? Why... why did you want this?" he asked, motioning to the bed and then realizing how naked he was. He pulled the nearest blanket close and covered his lap.

"One second you were furious at me, you didn't even want me in the flat, and then.. then you kissed me... you... you... fucked me... I don't know what to think any more..."

"No. Not good. Not wonderful." He replied quick, trying to smile reassuring towards John. He could tell by the look on John's face that he had questions. A lot of them. Sherlock also knew that this was perhaps his only change of explaining his feelings. Something he didn't like doing, but there was no way around it.

"I didn't particularly wanted this to happen." He started, a bit hesitating and nervously plucking the fabric of his towel. "I want you to be happy, but I just saw Mary wasn't really accomplishing that." For a moment he didn't dare looking John in the eyes, though he forced himself to look up at his friends.

"I eh." He cleared his throat again. "I always, sort of, well." How was he supposed to bring this out?
He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm him down.

"I always felt different around you. Attracted." He could feel his cheeks getting even more red. "And when you said you were getting married and moved out I.." He now lowered his gaze back on the bed. "I felt lonely and waited for you but you.." He took a moment to breath in deep again. "You never came back and I got bitter and I." His eyes fluttered back up to John. "I missed you." He whispered.

John's face became completely red when Sherlock mentioned he hadn't really wanted this to happen, his whole world stopping with a screech, was this a mistake? He felt his heart throb in his chest, he didn't think he could take this, he needed Sherlock.

His raging thoughts changed again when he realized what Sherlock was saying next though, his eyes focusing on him. "Attracted?" he repeated, and frowned. "You never said anything... I... I never noticed," he whispered, his heart starting to beat faster.

"You never said you wanted me to come back, you never said you missed me," he protested, feeling his heart clench in his chest. "I am sorry, Sherlock, I really didn't mean to hurt you... I thought... I really thought I was doing what was right... I... I seem to be unable to have a relationship... I just end up ruining everything..."

"I didn't want to hold you back." He muttered.

Sherlock could still remember the day John's announced him he was going to get married. He, in fact, will never forget it. His whole world came trembling down just by hearing those 4 little words. John had walked in to Baker Street again. Sherlock knew he had excited news just because he walked up the stairs faster then used to. He had skipped the last step as well. However Sherlock knew he and Mary were dating seriously, he had never thought they would take it to this level. And he? He was left behind solving silly crimes with no one to blog about it.

"You haven't ruined anything, John." Sherlock tried to sound reassuring. "I'm still here and I... I.. well.. I like you more then ever before." He said quick, before looking away rather ashamed to admit his own emotions and feelings.

John looked at him sadly, his blue eyes filled of an affection he was hardly aware of. "You ended up sacrificing yourself for me again," he whispered, and reached out his hand, covering Sherlock's and squeezing it.

"I would have liked to know... I wanted to know... I had no idea I was hurting you..." he admitted, and lowered his gaze, he had no idea how he had been so bloody stupid. "I really am sorry, Sherlock..."

He looked up again, his lips curling in a shaky smile. "You do?" he said, swallowing hard for the tension in his chest. "No one... has ever kissed me... like the way... you kissed me yesterday..." he whispered, just as embarrassed.

Sherlock's eyes were kept on the bed as he heard John talking. The warm hand of his friend's covering up his own came as a slight surprise, but Sherlock loved it and a shiver ran through his whole body.

"Don't see it as sacrificing, John." He almost whispered. "I could have said something. I should have. But it's my own fault I suffered the way I did." He explained, now looking at John from the corner of his eye. "I made you wait 3 years for me. So it's only fair." He smiled a little, knowing his words sounded a bit like a joke.

Sherlock pictured their kiss yesterday. He had put in every bit of feeling, every bit of passion and love he had ever felt for John into it. "That kiss, it showed what I just explained." he said, now his own hand squeezed into John's.

"You never even made things difficult for me, you just... accepted it," he whispered, thinking back about when he had told Sherlock about his marriage proposal. "Is this why you refused to be my best man?" he asked, remembering about his wedding day then, how Sherlock had been almost inconspicuous. "I took for granted you just didn't care," he admitted.

"It's not fair... I didn't want to hurt you, Sherlock," he whispered, hiding his gaze for a long moment.

His heart started beating faster when Sherlock said the kiss had mirrored his feelings, he couldn't help feeling flattered and hopeful.
He instinctively moved closer when the detective squeezed his hand, leaning in for a kiss but stopping half-way, realizing maybe he wasn't allowed to do this.
"Will you kiss me like that again?" he breathed out.

"Yes. I couldn't possibly imagine myself just standing still while you gave your heart so someone other then me." He admitted, his cheeks now burning red. He had always acted as if marriage was something boring. Something he didn't really care for, while in fact he had never felt worse then that day. Secretly he had been standing at the back of the church, just for a minute though, just to see John one last time before he gave away the most precious thing he had.

Sherlock shivered at the thought of that day. "Please. Don't feel sorry for what you did." He pleaded, looking up and staring into John's eyes.

As the question came if he would kiss him like that again, Sherlock didn't hesitate. He closed his eyes and leaned forward. His hand moving up to cup John's cheeks as their lips touched again. Passion and love was what Sherlock put into the kiss, even more then he had yesterday.

John's heart throbbed in his chest when Sherlock talked, he felt miserable, thinking about how much hurt he had caused him. As much as he said not to be sorry, John wished he could turn back time and be more considerate at least.
He wondered if anything would have changed had he known about this sooner.
"I am though, I am very sorry," he whispered.

When Sherlock leaned closer, he knew that his request was being granted, he knew that he would receive another kiss, but he could not imagine that it'd capture his heart completely.

The memory of the kiss from the day before paled in comparison to how warm and soft he felt his body become.

"Sherlock," he whispered, against his lips, a moan as his arms wrapped around the other's neck.
God, he loved this.

"John?" Sherlock whispered back, moaning in their kiss. His own arms wrapping around John completely. His own lips capturing John's completely, softly sucking his lower one every once and a while.

Sherlock could hardly remember the last time he had felt like this when he was with John. In fact, he had never felt this intense before, if he came to think about it. He soon let go of every thought and enjoyed every moment, every taste, every scent.

Lips against lips, it was slow and sweet, it was like they were exploring each other, they were mapping their mouth and they were enjoying every second of it. It was a slower ride compared to the day before's, but it was just as exciting, if not more.

John pulled away after what felt like ages, he was shaking slightly and he needed air.
"How do you do it?" he whispered, licking his lips. "How do you make me feel so special?" he added, blushing softly.

Sherlock whimpered when John broke off what probably was the most passionate kiss he had ever both given and received in his whole life. His hand moved up to stroke along John's jaw.

"Because you are special, John." He whispered against the other's lips, punctuating his words with yet another sweet kiss on his lips.

"You're the best..." Another kiss on his cheek. "Blogger." And another one. "Colleague." Now he kisses his lips again. "And friend." And once more. "One could ever ask for." He said, his voice ever so deep. "Friend." he repeated again, wondering out loud. "No. You're so much more then just my friend." He added, looking John in his eyes.

John's cheeks were warm with red again as Sherlock spoke, but he hardly noticed, too busy returning the soft kisses, too busy feeling oddly happy.

"I am special only to you," he said with a grin, and his eyes were excited and blissful when he looked up at him. "But it's more than I could ask for," he confessed, sliding closer until he could run his hand down Sherlock's chest.

"I will be whatever you want me to be, Sherlock... I would do anything for you," he whispered, his expression turning questioning as their eyes met. He could feel it deep in his bones that Sherlock had feelings for him, but who knows what they really would become now.